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MY YOUNGER DAUGHTER taught my dad a new term last week: bed rotting. According to her, the term is all over TikTok (I say this as if I’m not chronically online), and despite its name, it is definitely not referring to the half-eaten sausage rolls that I find everywhere that my daughter has been.
No, actually, it refers to… lying in bed all day. I know, it’s very anti-climactic and not at all a new concept for anyone under the age of retirement who regularly needs to experience all the benefits of death without actually dying, in order to brace themselves for another week.
Now, I know what you are thinking. Isn’t this just good old-fashioned rest? And are they really trying to sell the concept of bed rest to us, the generations who hit our teen years when every town in Ireland had at least one thriving nightclub? Does everything need a new buzzy word to hashtag it all over the internet? Apparently, it is, they are, and it does. And I am absolutely here for it.
I have said this before, and I’ll say it again: life has never been busier. Between work, raising a family, keeping a home, going to the gym, maintaining friendships, attempting to persuade my skin not to age, never-ending bills and social media apps that show everyone I know having it all effortlessly, things are fairly hectic.
Although it feels like everything is created for convenience, that just seems to raise the expected standard, so I never actually feel like I am getting anywhere. And there are always so many people, so many things to do, and everything is so loud. Of course, it all takes place under constant, glaring fluorescent lighting that makes my nervous system think that I am being chased by a lion.
So if I manage to get any down-time on the weekends, you can guarantee it will be spent horizontally, with as many blankets as I can find, curtains pulled, phone on DND, and water bottle within reach. What’s rare is wonderful. You have to take the wins in life where you can, or else you burn out. It’s simple science. It’s like when my phone has essential updates and needs to close all apps and switch itself off for a while.
Plans for the weekend? I am installing updates, please do not disturb. It’s no different to binge watching your same comfort shows over and over again, and you can actually combine both of these for extra points, or even add a face mask to effectively win on Saturdays.
Surprisingly, however, not everyone agrees. Licensed mental health counsellor, Nicole Maselli, says “bed rotting is when someone makes a conscious choice to be alone in their bed rather than participating in an activity that requires more effort, socialisation, or energy,” and goes on to say that this can be a trauma response.
And, in the nicest way possible, my response to that is… duh? People choose to stay in bed because all activity involves effort, socialisation, and energy. Also, we can’t leave the house without spending €100. If you are ever getting out of your parents’ box room, you really need to be adding that to the staggering house deposit that you need to gather from somewhere. And for younger people who might already be under chronic pressure from school and exams, burying your head in a blanket for an entire day is likely much easier than looking at the state of the world around us and wondering where to even start.
Maselli expands on the ‘trauma response’ saying, “when we feel unsafe from conditions in our personal lives as well as conditions in society, our body perceives this as a threat… bed rotting can be seen as a freeze response in which people are feeling unsafe and perhaps on a conscious or unconscious level, they’re choosing the safety of their bed.”
And it is definitely a conscious decision, for me at least. Aren’t we all exhausted, all of the time? No, you’re right, let me leave this safe, warm bed and go outside to the record-breaking lack of sunshine and complete cloud cover, to relentless destabilising global events and the cost of living crisis.
Content creator Vanessa Hill says, “When you do literally nothing but lay in bed, it is the end of optimisation.” And I know she didn’t mean for it to sound positive, but doesn’t that sound great?
I would very much like to stop optimisation. I would possibly even go as far as to say that optimisation is ruining lives. I would adore, with my whole heart, to see the next generation give the finger to the entire constant productivity thing and hustle culture. Should we not look to our fellow animals, who don’t spare a moment analysing the fact that they’re having a snooze, several times a day? They understand the importance of switching off, resetting.
Reassuringly, experts seem to agree that as long as you aren’t horizontal for a full day, and occasionally do some standing up and walking around, then it is OK. And obviously, I do have to move occasionally because my water bottle doesn’t just refill itself, nor do the snacks leave the fridge and climb the stairs of their own accord, and inevitably, someone needs a lift somewhere, so unfortunately, I do have to leave my sanctuary occasionally.
I am definitely not going to feel bad for checking out of busyness for a few hours. Rest nourishes the body, mind and soul, and if my soul yearns for a chance to lie horizontally in every spare moment, then who am I to argue?
We need more types of rest than just sleeping, and as lives get increasingly busy, and the mental load far exceeds the capacity of the average brain, it makes sense that we need more downtime. And really, when the week has been spent doing all of the things, is there really any harm in switching off?
Maybe it would do us all the world of good to be heavier on the quilt and lighter on the guilt, and if these aren’t words to live by, I don’t know what is.
Margaret Lynch is a mother of two and is parenting columnist with The Journal.
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